F. Jim Fickey and Gary S. Grimm
Two leading gay psychologists write the definitive guide for today's gay man:
"A Guidebook for Gay Men of All Ages
Teaching the Principles of
Initiation"
Book includes an extensive bibiography and suggested reading
 |
Click here for the Introduction. |
Reviews
For all those who have looked in vain for self-help and psychology books
which dealt specifically with the gay male experience, that search is now
over. GAY WARRIOR is written by and for gay men (and
for those who love them). F. Jim Fickey and Gary S. Grimm are life partners
and therapists who share their professional and personal experiences.
The subtitle of the book is teaching the principles of
initiation, and it is a primary contention of the authors that gay men are
betrayed and suffer from the lack oif elders and initiatory rituals to lead
them from adolescence to a more fully realized adult life. The symbol of
the gay warrior is chosen as a powerful archetype to represent the strength
and power available once we have dealt with these betrayals and events from
our past which keep us stuck in old patterns.
The book is written in a straightforward, frank and easily
understandable manner, taking us step by step into taking charge of our lives
and transforming experience into wisdom. Topics such as coming out, dealing
with homophobia--both external and internal, [and] finding male role models
are among the wide range of subjects covered.
Jungian psychology is clearly the foundation a\with its
gentle, spiritual and imaginative approach to maturation and healing. The
authors are concerned not just with individual progress but also with the
wider consequences of the gay community which feels the lack of leaders for
rites of passage.
The book rates very high on what I call the uh-huh factor,
where you find yourself nodding in recognition as you read. I recommend it
to any man interested in gaining a better understanding of himself and life
experiences; it would make an important contribution to the knowledge of
therapists and health care providers who deal with gay men and their
interests.
---Ralph Higgins, WAYVES
------------------------------
"Who are we as 21st-century gay men, and what is our purpose at this
time on the planet," the authors ask in their introduction to Gay
Warrior. They set out their principles for a solution by recognizing
that:
• gay men have a deep soul-longing to live as powerful adults, to share
their creativity and to make meaningful connection,
• most gay men have suffered an inordinate amount of betrayal that has
left them deeply wounded, and
• if their wounds remain unhealed, gay men will be unable to reach their
full potential as strong adults.
The authors acknowledge that a gay man's journey in life
is filled with obstacles, obnoxiousness and pain that a straight man can't
imagine, comprehend or, much less, identify with. While the straight man
receives direction and information for his journey along the super highway
of life, the gay man, typically, is left to grope along unfamiliar trails
coursing steeper mountains and lower valleys.
Gay Warrior provides an atlas for
the gay man that is useful and insightful, whether he's just beginning the
journey or already well along the way.
— Stonewall News Northwest
-------------------
Gay Warrior is an introduction to the Men's Movement
for the gay male. Spearheaded by men like Robert Bly, Sam Keen, and Michael
Meade, the Men's Movement has been defining, reinventing and reinvigorating
the meaning of manhood for over a decade. However, until now the place of
gay men in this movement has not been fully considered.
The authors, F. Jim Fickey and Gary S. Grimm, argue that
one of the major impediments that prevents gay men from achieving full manhood
is the "Puer…the psychological component of a gay man that still behaves,
thinks, and reacts to his world like a child." Nor do gay men have a monopoly
on this type of arrested development in a society where boys are never initiated
into the hierarchy of manhood.
In "primitive" societies, initiation usually involves
a set of rituals that are meant to separate, test, and reform the young man
before reintegrating him into the society with his new status. Along the
way, the young initiate learns that hardship can be turned into wisdom. His
allegiance takes its proper "shift…from the world of the feminine to
the masculine." Without this new view he might be stuck looking at the world
in an immature way, cut off from the spiritual comradeship of other males.
This comradeship is especially important to the initiation
of young males because it is the father figure that imparts the secrets of
manhood. Gay Warrior goes on to document the way in which fathers in the
last century have abandoned their sons. Obviously, the problem of spiritual
separation is exacerbated in cases where the son is evolving into a gay
man.
Without initiation, the young man is consigned to spend
his life in a Peter Pan-like limbo. "The Good Boy, the Narcissist, the Addict,
the Irresponsible Boy, and the Oppressor" are five manifestations of the
Puer personality identified by Fickey and Grimm. Each of these represents
a pathology in thought patterns that is caused by a failure to internalize
and transform conflict, betrayal, and failure.
What Gay Warrior suggests is the radical
idea of "transforming betrayal into wisdom." Whether we, as gay men, have
faced betrayal in the form of HIV, homophobia, violence, or anything else,
we have the opportunity to move "into the role of the victim" or "the Warrior."
Seeing "betrayal as some…thing that has occurred in order to help him
be stronger and more prepared to live in the real world" makes one a
warrior.
As Carlos Casaneda wrote in Tales of Power, "a warrior
takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary man takes everything as
a blessing or curse." From this perspective, the pitfalls of gay life are
transformed into amazing opportunities for growth—the kind of opportunities
that might never confront those born into the mainstream.
In fact, the Coming Out process in many ways mirrors
the "separation, transition, and incorporation" that has historically been
identified as part of the initiation process of "primitive" peoples. Several
enlightening sections of Gay Warrior are devoted to the symbolism
and significance of Coming Out, leaving home, and breaking ties with
dysfunctional families.
Other significant topics are also touched on in this
small treatise—like conquering internalized homophobia and the place
of gay elders—and treated in a straightforward and direct way. Easily
digestible, this essay is scholarly, readable, and practical, all in one.
—Brøn Thorson, Phoenix X-Factor
------------------------------
Gay Warrior is accessible, timely and courageous. Challenging
and honest, it does not sugar coat the issues facing gay men in the 21st
century—among them: sex, relationships, family and work. As a significant
attempt to bridge the men's movement and the gay movement, this book is important
reading for gay men's understanding of ourselves, our roles and our
relationships.
--- Christian de la Huerta, Author, Coming Out
Spiritually
-----------------------------
What makes a gay boy a gay man? Gay Warrior provides
us with a map and valuable roadside assistance as we seek to make our journeys
into male maturity. It helps us better identify and articulate the dead end
detours many of us are taking, and challenges us to take responsibility for
who and what we are.
— Brian McNaught, author of Now That I'm Out,
What Do I Do?
Gay Warrior is a cogent synthesis of many decades of
work and experience, a hugely compassionate work, and a practical one, too.
More than a dozen times, while reading it, I thought, "Damn, I wish someone
had told me that or introduced that concept when I was 20 (or 30 or 40)!"
It is a valuable primer for clinicians and a must-read for anyone who loves
a gay man.
— Rodger McFarlane, author of The Complete Bedside
Companion:
No-Nonsense Advice on Caring for the Seriously
Ill
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