INTRODUCTION

Who are we as 21st-century gay men, and what is our purpose at this time on the planet? Although there is no simple answer to these questions, three things appear to be certain: One: Gay men have a deep soul-longing to live as powerful adults, to share their creativity with their world and to make meaningful connections. Two: Most gay men have suffered an inordinate amount of betrayal that has left them deeply wounded. Three: If their wounds remain unhealed, gay men will be unable to reach their full potential as strong adults.      In working with hundreds of gay men over many years, we have identified certain types of betrayals specific to the gay experience—from society, our families, and then, ultimately, self-betrayal. The purpose of this book is to help gay men understand how their betrayals influence their behavior, their relationships, the decisions they make and the perceptions they hold. Once learned, they can begin to transform their betrayals into a source of wisdom.      As well, Gay Warrior is designed to teach the principles of Initiation, an ancient practice that helps people move from a place of adolescence into adulthood and to live as more powerful adults— whom we call Warriors. Once gay men understand how certain patterns of behavior and perceptions actually prevent them from living as Warriors, they will have a much better chance at developing new, healthier ways of expressing their true spiritual nature.      As a cautionary note, this book may, at times, be difficult for some men to read. Although we hope that Gay Warrior will help our readers to ultimately feel better about themselves, this is not a "feel good" book. Our challenge, as writers, has been to let our Warriors speak. We have attempted to tell the truth as we see it. Sometimes our truth may be hard to hear, but if it resonates, try it. It may not be everyone's truth. That's okay. Our intention is to help gay men find their own truth, whether it coincides with ours or not. What we hope is that the reader will keep an open mind to the ideas presented here as possibilities for growth and expanded consciousness. Gay Warrior is intended to help men identify what is not working in their lives and to learn how to change patterns that keep them stuck. Confronting core issues can be painful; it can also be one of the most direct paths to transformation. In Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled, his very first sentence is, "Life is difficult" (p. 15). In keeping with that spirit, this book is difficult.      This book is written to help gay men become free—psychologically, spiritually, and politically. Finding the Warrior is the only way we know to attain such freedom. In order to accomplish such a task, gay men must be willing to relinquish certain beliefs and behaviors that may be familiar, and thus comfortable, to them.        Gay Warrior is a compilation of our years of work with an enormous variety of gay men—many of them courageous Warriors in their own right. We have been fortunate to witness the Initiation work of many of these men who have been, and continue to be, willing to transform their betrayals into wisdom through a deep process work that ultimately leads to the emergence of their Warrior.      As psychotherapists, we see gay men becoming increasingly more dissatisfied with the stereotypes placed on them—from within and outside their community—and society's attempt to keep them boy-like. They are men who desire to live more consciously and are questioning the value of our youth-driven culture. Many are yearning to find more emotional and spiritual depth in their lives. They want to be powerful men, but don't necessarily know how to become so. We believe gay men long for Initiation. Even if they're not familiar with the terminology, the desire to grow up, to be taken seriously, and to be treated with equality and respect, runs deep within them.      The greatest challenge for a gay man in finding his Warrior is in learning how he reacts from his unhealed betrayals, and how he remains unconsciously committed to not growing up. The book is a guide to help gay men of all ages and backgrounds better understand what it means to be gay and powerful, and what we can accomplish once we embrace our power. The future health and well being of the gay community and of the planet depends on our ability to become strong and powerful Warriors.      There is a still, small voice deep within the collective unconscious of gay men beginning to emerge. Twenty years ago this voice was a mere whisper. Today, many gay men seem to be aware of its presence and are consciously working to decipher its message. For those who are listening, this voice is a reminder of a greater potentiality in each of us. It tells us that our gayness is not some cosmic accident or genetic mutation, but rather a spiritual gift that we can either choose to develop or squander.      In short, we gay men are here for a specific reason. We are here to help heal this planet, but in order to do so we must first heal ourselves. This book is an offering to gay men everywhere who are in search of such healing.

Jim Fickey, Gary Grimm
[You are also invited to our web page.]

June, 2002

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A bit of advice
Given to a young Native American
At the time of his initiation:
"As you go the way of life,
you will see a great chasm.
Jump.
It is not as wide as you think."

(from: Campbell, Joseph. A Joseph Campbell Companion,
Ed. Diane K. Osbon. HarperCollins. New York, 1991. p. 26)

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